Joanne Dwyer

It’s our intention to have a mass for both Mom and Dad followed by a celebration of their lives when it is safe for everyone who cared about them to attend. In the meantime, we have put together the following to honor our Mom.

Her Story:

Joanne Marie Guerin was born during the Great Depression. From an early age she learned the lessons of loss, scarcity, and financial insecurity. She also knew the meaning of love and the value of family. These lessons she carried with her through her 89 years of life.

She was born on June 3, 1931 in Chicago, Illinois. Her parents were Fred and Cecilia Guerin. She had three brothers: Jimmy, Jerry, and Tommy; and, three sisters: Jean, Judy, and Patty.  Jimmy died when he was young. From the moment Mom was born, she was considered special because she was the first girl born in the Guerin family in 60 years. Also, because she was born cross eyed and according to the doctor, would need to be treated more gently than the other children. From what we have been told by some of her siblings, Mom milked being special for as long as she could.

Her father was an engineer but was unable to find work and was supporting his family as a milkman in Chicago when he decided to move his family back to his hometown of Denver, Colorado in 1936. After they arrived, he began working for his father, and they eventually settled on South Emerson Street in the Washington Park neighborhood.  Most of Mom’s childhood was spent playing with her siblings in the park. Her favorite playmate was her older brother Jerry because he had a great imagination and could always think of something fun to do. Her favorite was Radio, where after they went to bed, they would use two cans attached to a string between their bedrooms on separate floors to put on radio shows for each other. Later in life, Mom would still laugh as she recited the words to some of his shows.

One of the biggest highlights of Mom’s childhood was when she was four and her sisters Judy and Jean, “the twins”, were born. Mom and Jerry decided to take advantage of this phenomenon and set up a sort of circus side show where they charged the neighbor kids an admission fee to view the twins for five minutes. The cost was one safety pin per twin, and the rules were strictly enforced. If you only had one safety pin, then you could only see one twin. If you wanted additional viewing time, you had to pay an extra safety pin. As a result of their work, Grandma Guerin had plenty of safety pins to see her through the twin's diaper years, and Mom realized she had a great future in business.

Mom went to St. Francis De Sales from kindergarten through high school. She was always a good student and loved school. There, she met her lifelong friends, Anita, Carol, Marilyn, Jean, and Mary Kay. She loved them, and as they got older, she appreciated them even more because according to Mom, “they really got her.” Until recently, they met regularly for lunch and talked on the phone often.

When Mom was ten years old, her father died unexpectedly, and her mother was left to support herself and their six children on her own. Grandma took a job as a teacher at St. Francis De Sales where her children were in school.   Despite their difficult circumstances, Mom recalled this time in her life as an especially happy one because of her brave and loving Mother. Mom was only 22 when her mother died of breast cancer.  She was heartbroken.

Fortunately, Mom had a boyfriend she really liked who helped her through the difficult times. He, more than anyone, knew how to make her smile. Mom and Dad were 19 when they met, and from the stories we have heard, they had a lot of fun while they were dating. According to Grandma Dwyer, Mom chased Dad until she got him, and after that, his life was never the same. We never really believed that Mom ever chased Dad, but we are sure that after they married in July 1954, his life was never the same. Namely because of Bridget, Jim, Patty, Charlie, Jerry, Cass, Bob, and Lou.

Mom had seven children in nine years and got her biggest break of three years before Lou was born. To say she was overwhelmed would be an understatement. Many have asked how she handled all of us growing up, and we can honestly say that she had a style of parenting that was all her own.  Mom did not believe in coddling children or in giving them a lot of choices, and as a grandparent, she found it quite amusing when, as parents, some of us did coddle and give choices to our children.  As a parent her natural instincts as a businesswoman were very apparent.  Mom was the boss. End of story.

As far as her day-to-day parenting went, Mom believed in keeping things consistent so we always knew what to expect. Every morning she made eggs on toast. Afterwards, you went to school or out to play until lunch. Lunch was either a bologna sandwich or peanut butter and jelly. Nap time was at 2:00 pm (because she needed a nap), and afterwards, you went out to play until dinner at 5:30 pm. Dinner consisted of the nightly special, which rotated based on the day of the week. After dinner you did homework or went out to play until bedtime. Bedtime was strictly enforced. Finally, after bedtime it was beer time for her and Dad.

Mom was tough, but she was also very caring, and she made a lot of sacrifices for us. Here are just a few examples: she never had real dishes and ate off plastic plates for the first 30 years of her marriage; her front and back yards were basically baseball diamonds and her gardens served as end zones; every doorway in her house had a dent above it because they were the perfect height to practice basketball; on Friday nights when she and Dad went out for their date night, the first floor miraculously became a roller derby rink leaving dents in every wall; and finally,  one of her children, who we won’t name, used the entire living room floor to build a farm of plastic animals and only reluctantly took it down for a few minutes on cleaning day so Mom could vacuum. These were only a few examples of what Mom put up with from having had boys. We won’t even go into what she put up from her daughters. Yet, she never seemed to mind, leaving us to believe she probably had no taste anyway. Imagine our surprise when, after we were grown, she and Dad built a beautiful adobe style home, filled with original art and a landscape with the most stunning display of flowers we had ever seen.

Mom always told us that her job as a mother was not to take care of us our entire lives, but to teach us how to take care of ourselves. In the end we hope she thought she did a good job. We would tell you that from our experience, if Mom had not had eight children, she probably would have been the CEO of a Fortune 500 Company.

If you knew them both, you knew Mom and Dad were quite different from each other, except for when it came to their values. Despite their differences, neither one ever tried to change the other, and they truly got along very well. They were best friends.  As parents, they complemented each other and if one of them was lacking in an area, the other could make up for it. They were a good team, and we were truly fortunate to have them as our parents. We can’t speak for our father regarding our mom, but we will say again that it appeared to us he was always very much in love with her. We strongly believe that because of Mom, our dad lived a lot longer than he would have without her. She took incredibly good care of him, ensuring he ate right, forbidding him to eat sweets in the quantities he would have liked, and forcing him out the door every day to go for a walk, which he hated. Most of all, she pushed him to stay engaged in life, even if it meant falling off a ladder. Although it is difficult for us that they are both gone now, we are happy for them. They were so connected in life it really didn’t feel right for them to have ever been apart.

Mom was truly a woman that lived ahead of her time. She never allowed herself to be defined by her roles as a mother, grandmother, or wife. She was always very much her own person with her own interests and goals. When she was 36, she made the unusual decision for that time to go to college to study Spanish, even though she had eight children at home (who did not speak Spanish) under the age of 12. After college and for the rest of her life, she continued to be curious about everything and made it a point to keep learning for as long as she lived.  She loved reading, and despite being almost completely blind, she still read an average of two books a week on her Kindle using the largest font and a magnifying glass to see. She was sincerely interested in other people and enjoyed nothing more than sitting one on one with someone in conversation. Talking was her favorite pastime, but she was an incredible listener as well.  She never seemed old to any of us because she never stopped growing as a person.

Many have wondered if after Dad died, she gave up. We will tell you that she did not. Even though her life was suddenly very different, and she was incredibly sad, she kept going forward. She was strong willed and a fighter up until the very end. She got beat by cancer, which was probably the only fight she ever lost in her life.

We are grateful to her for all that she gave to us, and we will always believe that she was indeed special.

Comments from Her Family

Grandma had a way of explaining how life worked like no one else I knew. I have three lessons she taught me. The first was when I was little, I asked her why we always did what she wanted to do.  She told me, “because rank has its privileges, that’s why.”  When I asked why we never did what Grandpa wanted to do, she said, “Because he’s five months younger than me, that’s why.”  Another thing she taught me about life on more than one occasion was when I told her I didn’t think that something she did was fair, she would respond,” life’s not fair, get over it.” She even had a sign that said, “There Is No Justice.”  So, after she had already explained this, and I said something wasn’t fair, she would tell me to go read the sign. Finally, when she told me to do something I didn’t feel like doing and I asked why I had to do it she said, “Because I’m bigger than you, that’s why.”   ❤️

Everyone knew that you could stop by Mom and Dad’s anytime without any notice and you would find them sitting at the dinner table. It always felt like they were sitting there just waiting for you. I will miss that. ❤️

I first met Joanne in 1993, when Bob and I started dating, shortly after I had lost my mother to cancer.  From day one, she welcomed me into her life, and in 1998, into her family.  She empathized with my loss of my mom at a relatively early age, as she, too, lost her mother in early adulthood. She never tried to be my mother, but she was always there as a mother figure and as a wonderfully supportive mother-in-law.  She was a straight shooter; you always knew her feelings, and she never, ever agreed to do something that she really didn't want to do.  For the last 22+ years, she welcomed my family to every celebration and treated them as her family.  Joanne had 8 children in 11 years, raising them without a lot of family support as her parents both died before she was even married.  You'd think that would have toughened her up to the point she wouldn't have had much sympathy for a mother of just one child; yet, when Evan was born (granted, with a developmental disability), she insisted on watching him every Wednesday so I could have a day to myself.  When I went back to work, she graciously offered to take him to the Gymboree classes I had been taking him to once a week.  While this might seem minute to most, imagine being a lady of her generation, having raised 8 children without much support, surrounded by these doting (frankly, annoying), stay-at-home mothers who all thought their baby was the smartest, most amazing being every born.  I know she wanted to let most of those young mothers have it, but she sucked it up and stuck with it in her effort to do all she could to help Evan's development.

Life threw Joanne a lot of curveballs, but she was resilient and accepted these challenges with grace.  The final curveball was losing her amazing JD; that was a curveball that she tried so, so hard every day to power through.  Most days, it was just too much and her broken heart struggled to find the same joy she knew for 66+ years.

Though Joanne questioned whether she would ever be with JD again, I do believe in Heaven, and I do believe she's reunited with him again.  Losing 3 parents (and for my kids, grandparents) in less than 9 months has been extremely heartbreaking, but I know all four of them are celebrating together.

Cheers to an amazing lady and a life well lived.  We all miss you so much, Joanne. ❤️

Mom was always a feminist at heart, but rather than talk about equal rights, she demanded and got them. It was funny that the only protest she ever participated in was at 86 years old when she went to the Women’s March downtown. She had a great time and said she regretted she hadn’t marched sooner in her life. ❤️

I am going to miss that constant smirk on her face. ❤️

When we were kids she would give us a quarter every day in the summer if we played outside all day. If we didn’t stay outside all day you didn’t get your quarter for the next day. As kids, we thought it was great that our mother paid us to play, and we would brag about it to our friends. I don’t know when we finally realized she may have had a hidden agenda. ❤️

Grandma: It is sad to see you go. I know you are with Grandpa and sharing a glass of wine with each other. It was hard to see you in such a vulnerable state when he was gone because you were the strongest person I had ever met. You taught me I will get through anything with strength and determination. I will cherish my moments with you especially me trying to get you to let me go to Pasta Jay’s on Sunday nights. You told me it’s for the adults but somehow I always convinced you to let me go especially on my birthdays. I know that I enjoyed my time the most when I came back home because I would get a phone call asking me when I was coming over because I couldn’t forget about my grandparents. You always gave me trouble when I didn’t come see both of you when I got off the plane. The conversations with you both were always fun. We could talk about the world, family and the tough times I was having. You always made me see things in a different light even if I didn’t always agree. You taught me that I didn’t always have to agree but listen. I know now this is how you got along with everyone. You always listened. Grandma, everyone misses you very much. The house isn’t the same without you or Grandpa. I never felt the need to call saying I was coming over rather just show up and see you both with the screen door open laughing and talking. I knew it was always an open door. I miss you both dearly and I will keep smiling through it all for Grandpa and do it with strength because of you Grandma. I know you both are back together laughing and talking watching down on all of us. I love you both and make sure to have a glass of wine for all of us. ❤️

I once called Grandma “Granny”, and she let me know she didn’t like it one bit, but she also knew that after that we all called her Granny behind her back and I think she thought it was funny.

Mom was the most authentic person I ever knew.  You knew where she stood on everything, and there wasn’t anything phony about her. ❤️

Grandma was one of the strongest women I have ever met. Even as she aged, her spirit remained young. I admired that she remained so strong and independent her entire life. She inspired me with her stories of returning to school while raising a family, and I know it took great courage to move forward and help her siblings after losing her parents. I will never forget her joining the family on a hike around Shadow Mountain one Fourth of July. Grandma refused to let anything slow her down. She also lived life to the fullest. Whether it was travelling to Notre Dame, Montrose, or New Mexico, or simply staying up for another story and glass of wine, she always enjoyed herself and did things on her own terms. It takes a special woman to raise eight children, but she was just that. Grandma was unshakable, and her strength remained with her to the end. This is how I will always remember her, and I can only hope to be as strong of a wife and mother as she was. ❤️

There were many times in my life that she made me do something I was afraid to do. I used to think she was being mean, but I realize now she wanted me to know I could do it. ❤️

She was always game for anything and really hated to be left out. ❤️

Mom hated waste and was a true conservationist. She recycled way before it was cool. I think she probably had the same roll of foil that she had when she first got married, and I’m sure the box of 30 Ziploc bags she bought years ago still has at least 25 still in it. Every piece of paper was used until there was no room left on it. We all kind of respected her for it, but when she tried to make us use the paper napkins more than once, we revolted. ❤️

I am extremely lucky to have lived so close to Grandma for my entire life. At any point in the afternoon, I could expect to see her sitting at the table watching the news or having a drink. She was always so happy to see visitors as she was a very sociable person. I could talk to her about anything I wanted to talk about, and she always wanted to know about what was going on in my life. She was one of the most supportive people in my entire life and she meant so much to this family. ❤️

Mom believed that you should always pay the consequences for your actions, and if you did do something wrong,  and just might get away with it, she would be the first to turn you in. ❤️

I have two vivid childhood memories of Grandma. Once, she was babysitting and fed me a hot dog that, to this day, I maintain was several months past its expiration date. I ended up getting sick, but Grandma didn't seem too concerned; after eight kids, she knew I'd be fine with a little stomachache.

I remember another time she was babysitting and took Meg and me to the grocery store over by the old house in Aurora. Grandma left us with a stack of pennies to ride the mechanical horse by the entrance and went about her shopping. Nowadays, people never let their kids out of their sight. Just like with the (definitely expired) hot dog, though, Grandma knew we'd be just fine (and we'd be out of her hair for half an hour).

Those two memories stand out for me because they illustrate how she approached her life: there was very little worth panicking over. Nothing ever seemed to faze her, even until the end. I will always admire her ability to roll with the punches. ❤️

I always admired how she took care of herself. She weighed the same 112 lbs. at 89 as she did on her wedding day and after giving birth to eight kids. She always looked pretty. ❤️

My grandma was the most sociable and wise person that I have ever known. Her ability to create meaningful conversation with anyone, (especially me) illustrated her intelligent and caring nature. My most valuable moments spent with my grandmother were those spent at the breakfast table having conversations about life and the value of relationships with others. My grandma let me know that no matter where I am in life that if I am happy and I feel that there is value in where I am, that there is no need for change. She also taught me that other people and especially my family are the most important aspect to living a happy and connected lifestyle and I am eternally grateful that my grandmother was able to contribute to value I found in my life. My grandma was one of the most influential figures in my life and I cannot express my gratitude for her presence throughout my childhood. Love you Grandma. ❤️

I once asked her if she would help me to do something and she said no. I was furious and told her that I couldn’t believe that as my mother she wouldn’t do it for me. She replied, that she couldn’t believe that as her child I would ever think she would do it for me, and besides, she hated to deprive me of the pride I would get from doing it myself. ❤️

She was one of a kind. ❤️

Whenever our cousins came to town we would entertain ourselves by playing pranks on Grandma and Grandpa. One summer day we were at their house and were getting on Grandma’s nerves, so she told us to go out to play in the park. We decided to steal some red paint from her, and Jack faked getting hurt. We ran and got Grandma. She was very upset and helped us get him back to her house. When we got there she wiped all the blood off of him (she couldn’t see very well) and went to put Neosporin on his wound but didn’t find one. We all started laughing then. We knew she wasn’t really very amused, but like she always did when we pranked them she laughed too. That Christmas she put a lump of coal in each of our stockings because we had done this, and when we weren’t amused, she got a good laugh from it. That’s when we learned that Grandma didn’t get mad, she got even! ❤️

My mom and I were really quite different from each other, and there were many times I strongly disagreed with her and in my earlier years judged her harshly as a mother. But I always felt close to her and I admired her greatly.

I loved being with her and we had a lot of fun together. Probably my favorite thing to do with her was to take off by ourselves to New Mexico where she would leave her frugal ways behind and we would go shopping for art. That was the one time that she didn’t care that we really didn’t need it, or that I really couldn’t afford it. The best part was after we made our purchases we would go celebrate and revel in the idea that we owned real art.

We shared a lot, and although she wouldn’t ever do something for me that I could do for myself, she often helped me do it. For example, she wouldn’t write my term paper, but she would type it for me :)  When I was delivering the Denver Post in the hospitals during college she would help me on Sundays, which was the hardest physically, but the most profitable day of the week, and she never asked for a dime, and truthfully, I never offered it. The ultimate was when she helped me deliver phone books, until I realized the cost of gas was more than I was making. These are just a few examples of how she helped me make money. I can’t tell you how many difficult times she helped me get through.

This past year we shared more than I can ever express. When my mom was told that her cancer had returned last September the doctor asked what she was hoping for, as far as how long she wanted to live. Mom responded without hesitation that she wanted to live to be 89. The doctor laughed and said, “I think we can do even better than that,” and she said she didn’t want to do better than that because once you are 89 you are old, and she never wanted to be old. For this reason I was very surprised that she decided to do treatment for her cancer. Not only that, she was going to do the same treatment as I was doing. To be honest, at the time I wasn’t too happy about it because I knew she would make me look bad, which she did, because unlike me, she never complained about it. It wasn’t until she passed away (seven weeks following her 89th birthday) that I realized that Mom really didn’t  have the same incentive as I did to do this, and maybe she  did do it, so as my mother, she could help me with one last thing. I will never know and she would have never admitted it, but I do know she was an incredible Mother. ❤️

Thank You:

Throughout their lives my parents had many friends that they truly loved, but without a doubt, their favorites were the Schusters and the Muldoons.

Rosemary Schuster was our Mom’s best friend. They were a lot alike in their classiness and their pride. They supported each other’s dreams. Every Friday night for over 40 years our parents went out with Rosemary and Leo to watch a movie and get pizza afterwards. Our parents were extremely fond of them and their children. We were fond of them.

Mom and Dad loved both Neal Muldoon’s and Felix Muldoon’s families. They looked forward every year to the Muldoon’s annual St. Patrick’s Day Party and they had so much fun with Neal and Lillian, and Felix and Geri that anytime they saw them they would talk about it for days afterwards. Dad thought Felix and Neal Sr. were the funniest guys he ever knew. Neal Jr. was one of our dad’s closet friends and worked with Dad for several years. We suspect that he knew Dad better than we did. Throughout our lives the Muldoon families have always been there for us in both good times and bad. They mean the world to all of us.

Thank you Schusters and Muldoons. We are extremely grateful.

Tribute:

Please click on the attached link to view a video tribute to our Mom

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feAJJrJIdGw&t=17s